


Solace

by ethereallovers



Series: To Build A Home [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, Comfort, Confessions, Depressed Reiner Braun, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, In Vino Veritas, Marley (Shingeki no Kyojin), No Smut, Post-Time Skip, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Spoilers, Soft Reiner Braun, canon divergence bc i want to, no beta we die like berutoruto, soft, the dialogue adapted from the anime/manga scenes is not 1:1 but i tried
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29212560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethereallovers/pseuds/ethereallovers
Summary: You and Reiner were close friends ever since you were kids. When he returned, you longed to see the man he had become.
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Original Character(s), Reiner Braun/Original Female Character(s), Reiner Braun/Reader
Series: To Build A Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144793
Kudos: 31





	1. #1 - From You, 15 Years Ago

_“Are you scared of the soldiers, too?”_

You couldn’t be more terrified. Just this morning, you awoke peacefully in your homeland as you did any day. By noon, though, these big, tall men with guns came into your house uninvited, threatening your parents to come with them. Your parents didn’t have much of a choice, neither did you.

And yet, looking back, being exiled from your homeland with your whole family seemed merciful now. Marley wasn’t particularly known for its kindness towards Eldians. Your father considered it a miracle when your family wasn’t separated the moment the soldiers issued armbands for you to wear. 

You were crying to your mom during this whole process, the soldiers forced the large crowd of displaced people to get in a big, metal ship. The soldiers were uncaring, occasionally muttering a _“Dirty Eldian scum”_ each time they passed you. You were too young to understand the meaning of these words, but all you knew is that it sounded _bad_. 

_Displaced, banished from your homeland, you were lucky you were with your family to begin with._ During the boat trip to Marley, you frantically asked your parents a million questions about why this was happening. They didn't have any answers. The creeping pressure was too much, though. Your family soon found itself in a public assembly, informing the “new” citizens of Marley about how worthless yet how lucky they were to stay here. You had bigger questions to answer. _Why were the army men so mean? Why are Mom and Dad so scared? Why is a man shouting on stage?_ Your senses were at maximum capacity. This anxiety was too great for even your parents to calm you down. They hadn’t the slightest idea of why this was happening, either.

So you ran, you ran until the loud sound of the man speaking wasn’t so loud anymore, you ran until you couldn’t feel the bodies of the crowd surrounding you. Even when you heard the shouts of the soldiers, you were still able to outrun them, that, or they gave up chase. After all, you didn’t know this place, where would you go?

You ran until you saw an isolated corner between buildings and decided to sit down, The loud man talking was now a distanced muffle. It still surprised you that even after running tirelessly, you could still hear the man’s booming voice. One thing you couldn’t hear anymore were the soldiers, you just heard sounds of a town, but it was too quiet. It was unlike the forest you grew up in; no sounds of birds, no wind swaying in the trees, just the empty air hitting against the cement bricks. 

You were too upset to even cry, as if your tear-ducts had run dry. This would be the first time in your life you felt a deep feeling of hopelessness. In your heart, something told you that nothing would ever be the same. 

_And it was right._

Your thoughts were interrupted by something bumping your head, you instinctively rubbed at the side of your head and saw the culprit, _a kickball_. You stared at it with disinterest until you heard some light footsteps approaching you. 

A small boy came into view. He looked about your age. His face was twisted in a nervous complexion, probably because he had kicked the ball too far. Though you noticed he had the same armband on his left arm, you didn’t give it any thought, unsure of how to react. His eyes followed the kickball, noticing you were sitting there. Though he looked at you with distrust, his expression softened when he saw your armband, choosing to sit next to you while grabbing his kickball. 

“Hi”- the boy nervously smiled. 

“Hello”- You responded half-heartedly. 

“My name is Reiner, what’s your name?”

You revealed your name to him. 

“Hi, ______.” He said “Why are you sitting here?”

“Because I don’t know where to go”- You spoke in an annoyed tone. 

“You don’t? Well...sometimes I don’t either! So I play with my friends and we go places”

_“I don’t wanna be here!”_ \- You exclaimed, ignoring his comment.

“Then why don’t you go back?”

“Because the loud man is loud and the soldiers are mean!”- You cried. 

His eyes suddenly widened when you mentioned the soldiers. 

_“Are you scared of the soldiers, too?”_

You finally turned to look at him, his eyes were full of fear, like he was remembering things he’d rather not. 

“Yeah...”- You replied, close to tears after recognizing how scared you really were. 

You started to cry now, feeling helpless about the whole situation. 

“Hey...hey! Don’t cry…” Reiner tried consoling you “If we both stick together, maybe we can be less scared of them”

“Huh?”

“You and me will be less scared of the soldiers. It’s better if we’re a team”

For some reason, these words clicked inside your impressionable 6-year-old mind. In an instant, you felt like you had met someone you can trust in this strange place. 

**“SHE'S RIGHT HERE!!”** \- You heard a rough voice shout. 

You turned to look at whoever made the sound, it was a Marleyan soldier approaching you. You turned to look at your new friend in fear. The Marleyan soldier grabbed you by the arm and took you to your parents by force, both their faces a mixture of terror and relief after seeing you. 

“Is this your daughter?”- The soldier asked, stretching your arm up. It hurt. 

“Y-Yes. It is”- Your father stammered nervously. 

“Then don’t lose sight of her”- The soldier barked. 

He threw you to them, you let out an involuntary wail and tripped in the process. 

“Just knowing you damn Eldians keep bringing more of your kind into the world makes me sick”

Your father, usually headstrong and not easily frightened, bowed his head as if to apologize for the inconvenience. He forced you to do the same. Never once had you seen him like this, letting people talk to his family this way. Not until now. 

“Sorry about that. It won’t happen again”

“Yeah...” One of the officers chimed in _“We’ll make sure of it”_

The soldiers escorted you back to what they told you will be your living quarters. You looked back and caught a glance at your new friend Reiner. With a sad smile, you waved him a goodbye. He looked at you softly and returned the wave, before the nearby soldiers told him to scram. 

Despite this bitter ending, something in your heart told you that you would see him again. 

And so began a long and loving friendship.


	2. #2 - The Arrival

It took you some time to accept that your best friend Reiner was leaving. After your parents relayed you the news, all you could feel was sadness. You cried in their arms when you realized what this implied. When Reiner told you he had become a Warrior, you were happy for him, ecstatic, even. But it seems like you didn’t realize what would happen next. He was to go away to an island called Paradis to retake the Founding Titan, the most powerful and mysterious Titan there was. Should they retake it successfully, Marley’s military force would be second to none, undoubtedly becoming the most powerful military in the world. 

The results were expected to be ironclad, but the mission was not. They were sending the Warriors out to a world they did not know, stripped away from their families who were threatened to be taken away because of their Eldian status. What choice did these kids have but to persevere?

Your parents forbid you from joining the Warrior program, being revolted with Marley’s decision to send children out to battle. You weren’t particularly interested in joining, either. Your loyalty remained to your lost homeland, not to the nation who took you from it. 

Reiner, on the other hand, was completely loyal to Marley. He joined the ranks after his mother told him to do so, hoping to become an honorable warrior in order to meet his Marleyan father. He just wanted to belong somewhere, to be loved by someone, and if it meant that he’d have to sacrifice his time and life in order to become an Honorable Marleyan, then so be it. 

What you two found in common is that inside both of you, there was a profound, lingering feeling. A feeling that scared you so deeply that your child mind couldn’t put into words. You felt like you didn’t belong. To Marley, to the world as Eldians. You and Reiner were afraid of the same things, the soldiers, the feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of being taken away from something. Together, you felt like you belonged. Without words, it seems like you managed to bond just by looking at each other. And even beyond that, just being with each other, you could feel the connection. How you playing together made Reiner forget about being a Warrior, allowing himself to just be a kid. You could be the most carefree and fun versions of each other when you hung out. You were genuine, you were happy, you were true. 

It took you some time to accept that your best friend Reiner was leaving. Even as you stood in the farewell ceremony, you refused to believe that he would be gone for an undisclosed amount of time. The ceremony ended, the proud Eldians cheered them on, and then you finally recognized the best way to handle this. 

_ This wasn’t a goodbye. This was a “see you later”. He’d be back, you knew it.  _

\-----

The farewell ceremony had ended a few hours ago and the night was settling in. Most Marleyan citizens were probably already asleep by now. The celebration and the town spectacle was traded in for a quiet departure for the Warriors, allowing them to personally say goodbye to their loved ones. 

The Warriors all bid goodbye to their respective families and friends. Your family was also there to see Reiner out, recognizing how dear he was to you. 

His mother gave him a big hug. His aunt and uncle were there too, bringing along their 3-year-old daughter, Gabi. Reiner equally and playfully bid her farewell, even if she couldn’t understand it. He said goodbye to the rest of his family before he turned to you. Nervously, you spoke:

“Reiner…”

He looked at you even more intently, making sure you knew he was listening. 

“I know you’ll make it out there. You’re a great Warrior…”

You paused, unknowing of what this pang in your chest meant. 

“I’ll miss you”

He smiled at you warmly. 

“I’ll miss you too, ____”

In an unexpected move, Reiner went up and hugged you. It turned out to be exactly what you needed. Just a hug, just to be with him one last time before he left. 

That night happened 9 years ago. So many things had happened since then. Though you were a completely different person now, the feelings in your heart still reigned true.Up until his departure, you and Reiner were inseparable, often getting into trouble like kids do, only to swiftly evade any real danger. He hung out with you so often, that your families became friends as well, visiting each other whenever they could. These years without him, however, didn’t come without their hardships. A few months after you turned 17, your parents died of natural causes, leaving you feeling lonelier than ever before. You made a silent promise to them and yourself that you’d return to your homeland. You were supported by your friends and the Braun family, your bond with them growing stronger still; finding comfort in them during these hard times. You also often helped out at the Braun family home, sometimes even running jobs for Gabi’s parents. 

As soon as you got the news that the Warriors would be coming back home, the memory of this night came flowing back. It felt as if a wave of excitement retook your body, realizing that you’d get to see your friend again. You had gone almost a decade without seeing him, though. How different was he now? Would he still recognize you? Would he even remember you at all?

\------

You were finally at the gates with the rest of the families. Hundreds of Eldian families gathered around the gates to see their loved ones return. The place was bustling with excitement, not even the Marleyan soldiers shepherding the people could dampen the mood. The soldiers finally announced the Warriors’ arrival and the gates opened, the atmosphere became all the more livelier, shouts and greetings abounding galore. 

Seeing all these people return back home brought you great joy. Everyone seemed so happy. 

Scanning your eyes through the sea of people, you tried to skim out where Reiner could be, seeing some of the Warrior and Warrior candidates run up to their families. People kept coming in, but when you finally saw him, you reacted in a way you didn’t expect.

You became temporarily nervous, your body freezing when you saw him. He was...taller, obviously. He also had a bit of stubble going on, but he still stood strong, much like the boy you remembered. You could tell he had adapted a calm demeanor now, even from a distance. No longer was he the tenacious boy who desperately tried to play Warrior. He  _ was _ one now. 

_ But this feeling of tranquilness, it almost feels like he’s not really there. He’s a Warrior, he’s home, so why doesn’t he look.... _

“Mom! Dad!”

Your thoughts were interrupted by one of the Warrior candidates, Gabi, who greeted her parents with a big hug. You smiled warmly at the interaction. 

“Reiner…”

Reiner’s mother called out to him. He turned to look their way. You suddenly found yourself nervous again, your smile ripped from your lips. You involuntarily took a few steps back, as if to assess this situation.  _ But why? _

He walked over to them, greeting his family with a slightly unamused grin on his face. His eyes trailed you over, before they went back and really looked at you. For a few seconds, you could tell he didn’t recognize you, his eyes trying to piece together where he last saw you. But then, it came like a spark. You saw it in his eyes.  _ He remembered you _ . It was almost like both of you were back between those buildings on that fateful day where it all began, where he met someone that no one inside or outside the battlefield could take away. 

The nervousness within you was gone, and your excitement returned. 

Still locking eyes, you smiled and waved, confidently making your way towards him. 

“Reiner! I’m glad you’re back!”

He took a while to respond, eyeing you up and down to make sure his eyes didn’t deceive him. 

“____… Is it....Is it you?”

You laughed “It is! Welcome back home!”

Your excitement was so big you embraced him in a hug, pushing the air out of his lungs. 

A small confession involuntarily left your lips, almost like it was something meant for his ears only. 

“I missed you”

He was a bit stunned for a few seconds. You were almost gonna pull away until he hugged you back, squeezing you tightly. 

Reiner was at a loss for words, but his embrace told you everything you needed to know. 

He was happy to be back. 


	3. #3 - Confessions

After the Warriors’ arrival, you accompanied Reiner and his family back home. Gabi and Reiner were to be celebrated by a special dinner in their honor. You went to their house, being the last one to enter it, and closed the door behind you. You were slipping off your armband and about to place it in the coat rack when you heard Reiner talking to his mother. Though they were a distance away and speaking with a hushed tone, you managed to hear part of their conversation. 

They spoke about his return, but Reiner’s voice didn’t sound too happy to see her again. They hadn’t even talked much back when you first saw Reiner at the gates of Liberio. Gabi, by contrast, ran and hugged her parents when she first saw them. Reiner so much as muttered a “Hi” to his mother before you officially greeted him with a hug.

It didn’t really surprise you that he reacted this way towards her, though. Even as a child, you could see how Reiner’s mother pressured him into becoming a Warrior in order to be a Marleyan like his father. This was a duty that was dependent on Reiner’s success, but was fueled by his mother’s selfish desire to renounce her Eldian blood in order to pretend to be Marleyan. You just wanted him to be your friend, why did he have to go to war all those years ago? Was it even necessary?

The older you grew the more you noticed these pieces of the puzzle come together. Her mother made no effort to raise a son, but to raise a soldier that would serve her instead. Part of you resented her for that, though you would never reveal that to anyone but yourself. 

You snapped out of your thoughts when Gabi’s father informed you that dinner was about to begin and that help was needed to set the table. You blinked out of your pensive state and turned to look at him, you agreed, then went along to the kitchen to help out. 

\--------

During the late stages of dinner, Gabi boasted about her victory against the enemies and how she managed to help blow up the armored train. She then went on to describe how Galliard, the wielder of the Jaw Titan, managed to cover her from enemy fire and how she ultimately arrived safely. 

Her parents were immensely proud, her father nuzzled her affectionately, declaring her a true Eldian warrior. You smiled at the mention of it, sipping on a bit of wine from your cup. The attention soon turned to Reiner. After being asked if Gabi would be a fit Warrior, Reiner answered affirmatively, declaring that she would be the one to inherit the Armored Titan. His mother expressed joy at the fact that the Braun family was bestowed with two Warriors. In the same breath, she denounced the Eldians from Paradis Island, declaring them to be devils. Gabi’s father chimed in, asking Reiner about his time there. Gabi interrupted and warned against it, mentioning how surely this was a dark time in Reiner’s life and it would probably be hard to recount it due to its disturbing and possibly confidential nature. As soon as Gabi’s father apologized for the intrusion, Reiner disregarded it and agreed to begin talking about his time on the Island. 

With a serious look on his face, he went on to talk about how he had to join the Paradis military in order to infiltrate it. He called them devils. He told a story about a woman who had stolen a potato, and when her commanding officer confronted her about it, she mentioned she had found it in the kitchen and decided to take it. Reiner went on to describe how she went as far as to bribe the officer, offering him half of the potato. The tone he spoke in was almost of revulsion and disbelief, leaning more towards the latter one. He also mentioned how he met an idiot who often forgot what he was doing in the bathroom, a selfish soldier who only cared for himself, another who disregarded his feelings for the interests of others, a suicidal soldier who flung himself to anything and two that followed him. It was as if the words he spoke of the Paradis soldiers were laced with a curse, everyone in the table listening with horror. 

**_“The time I spent on that Island was true hell.”_ **

These words were amplified by the sudden crash of the opening windows, followed by the howling wind and the eerie silence of the family. Even you stopped what you were doing. During this brief silence, however, you had a feeling that something wasn’t right. 

_ Reiner was lying.  _

After seeing everyone’s shocked reaction, Reiner apologized for thinking he’d said too much. Reiner’s mother got up to close the windows to keep the cold air from getting in. Gabi shakenly asked Reiner for more details about the Island Eldians, wondering if they were all bad as he made them sound. After closing the windows, Mrs. Braun assured Gabi that all of those Island dwellers were devils, at fault for abandoning the good Eldians in Marley and disregarding their heritage. 

You took most of Mrs. Braun’s Eldian conspiracy theories with a grain of salt, this was no exception. However, one thing that made you question if the Island dwellers were truly evil at all was the way Reiner carelessly spoke of them. You didn’t sense a feeling of anger or disgust coming from Reiner as he told these stories. His heart wasn’t there. 

Everyone had already finished eating their dinner by then. Gabi’s mother began picking up the plates, you helped as well. Everyone else ran off to either leave for home or talk amongst themselves before doing so. After all the dinner dishware was collected, Gabi’s mother tied an apron to her waist and was about to begin to wash the dishes. Out of courtesy, you told her you would wash them instead. She thanked you for your offer but told you she could handle it. You insisted, mentioning how her daughter just got here and surely she should spend time with her. This seemed to convince her. She gave the apron to you and ran off to her family. You wore the apron and began to wash. 

You had volunteered to wash the dishes seeing as you thought you’d stick out like a sore thumb in the middle of this otherwise Braun family reunion. Though you and your parents were close friends of the Brauns, without them you felt as if you had no excuse to stay for dinner with them. Except, of course, to be around Reiner. 

\------

After everyone left, the Braun home was very quiet, the only sounds being the faint buzzing of the lights and the soft clacks of the plates you had just finished washing. The atmosphere was almost relaxing, as if none of the events that happened tonight transpired at all. You were finally done with the dishes. You wiped the sweat off your brow and dried your hands on the apron. 

You took it off, folded it and placed it where you’d seen Gabi’s mother taken it from. In your mind, you were thinking about how you were staying at your friend’s place. You cursed at yourself after you realized you had forgotten how late it was and how long it would take for you to get there. As you turned around, you saw Reiner’s mother looking at you intently. This caught you by surprise, jumping back in sudden shock.

“Mrs. Braun!” You yelped “Oh, you scared me!”

At first, she didn’t reply, She just gave you an appreciative smile as she closed her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, dearie. I’m just grateful you washed the dishes”- She beamed.

Her tone suddenly took a darker tone, like she had changed her mind somehow. 

“Oh...but you really  _ shouldn’t _ have…”- She muttered shyly. 

“No, it's okay” You replied, walking up to her “It’s the least I can do, Mrs. Braun”

You gave her a smile, which slowly disappeared when you remembered how the longer you stayed in this house, the longer it was gonna take for you to get back home. 

“I-I need to get going now”

You were about to leave until Mrs. Braun tugged at your hand. 

“I don’t think that’s a wise idea, _____.” Mrs. Braun spoke “Please, do stay here until tomorrow morning. The streets are dangerous this time at night”

You wished that weren’t true, but it was. It didn’t help that your friend’s apartment was all the way across Liberio, either. A long stroll would be unwelcome at this very hour, especially if any Marleyans happen to catch a glance at the armband on your left arm. 

Swallowing your pride, you accepted Mrs. Braun’s offer to stay the night. She pointed to a spare bedroom you could crash in as she walked towards her own bedroom, faring you goodnight. You mustered a “good night” back, unsure if she heard you given at how noisily she had shut her bedroom door. You sighed, dusting off your clothing before officially calling it a night. 

As you got into the room Mrs. Braun told you to stay in, you immediately felt a presence. Your eyes darted to a silhouette against the light that peaked from the window to the bed. You felt the silhouette’s eyes on you, before it lifted up a cylinder that made a sloshing sound. You scooted back and recognized the silhouette’s owner, it was Reiner. 

“Oh, Reiner. I’m sorry” You apologized, the door creaking as you tried to leave the room “I thought this was the room your mother told me to sleep in...”

“No, no, ‘s okay. There’s two beds in here. Mother was right”

His right arm pointed clumsily at the opposite side of him. You creaked the door open again, confirming indeed that there was another bed at the other side of the room. You assented with your head and walked up to it, hoping not to bother him during his drinking session. 

Even so, you’d hate to see him drink alone. Surely some company could do him no harm? 

“Hey, do you think you could pour me a glass, too?”- You asked as you sat on your bed. 

“You didn’t have any during dinner?”- He asked, sounding surprised. 

“Not really” You smiled “I just had a sip or two. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever drunk with you”

He muttered an “Alright then” before handing you his empty glass and pouring wine in it. It seems like he was originally going to pour himself that glass but helped himself to the whole bottle instead. 

As soon as he finished pouring a sufficient amount of the maroon liquid, you had a proposal. 

“I think we should toast”

“What to?”- He looked at you with a hint of suspicion. 

“To you coming back home!”

He laughed darkly “Yeah...home”

You brought your beverages together with a clink before you downed them, both of you finishing at the same time. As you did, you both looked at each other firmly, before laughing at the sudden synchronization of your swigs. 

It began to dawn on you how you hadn’t heard Reiner laugh in years, yet it was like not a day had passed since you two were laughing, being children, carefree, free from owing Marley any true responsibilities as Eldians. 

“I missed you, Reiner”- You giggled. 

“I missed you too”- He replied. 

“Re...remember how when we were kids we used to go to your grandma’s house and eat all those candies? Then we’d come back to my house and no one suspected a thing?”

You laughed at it like it was the most hilarious thing in the world. 

Surely, you lied about not having too much to drink, this being your third drink of the night. It’s not like you were known for handling your liquor, anyways. You just didn’t want Reiner to know. 

“Yeah...” Reiner joined in “...and they always suspected that it was my Aunt Rita because of her sweet tooth”

A hearty laugh exploded out of Reiner, the sound of it was like music to your ears. 

“ _ Suspect her? _ ” You laughed “You  _ always _ accused her! And everyone always believed you!”

“Shut up”- He chuckled, the smile on his lips briefly disappearing before returning after drawing them to the wine bottle again. 

“I remember hanging out like this. Drinking with friends...I miss it”- Reiner trailed off without really thinking about his words. 

This confession was sincere, his eyes glowing, looking at the ceiling almost like he could picture those days perfectly in his mind. He smiled nostalgically. 

He couldn’t be referring to his childhood in Liberio with you. As far as you knew, you were both far too young to know what alcohol even was, let alone it being sold to Eldians back when Reiner was still about to be picked as the inheritor of the Armored Titan. It couldn’t have been about Bertolt, Annie and Marcel, there was no way the events surrounding their assembly were fun by the way he had previously spoken of it. So were these friends he was referring to the devils from...

You shook the thought from your head, but it persisted. It was a disturbing thing to think about, because it all made sense. In Marley, Paradis Island was regarded as a place full of living, breathing scum. However, they were just Eldians unknowing of the blood that their heritage spilt. Reiner said so himself. How could they have known that humanity existed outside those walls? They didn’t, not from the way they were defending themselves. And despite this and all the Anti-Paradis propaganda Marley made its citizens believe, the Eldians of present day couldn’t possibly be at fault for any of their ancestors’ wrongdoings. It wouldn’t be fair to them. 

Despite the complexity of these thoughts, they only served for a few seconds of silence between you two. The alcohol in your system wouldn’t allow for filters, and would not consider Reiner’s drunken reaction to you possibly asking about Paradis. So you unwittingly replied...

“Yeah, I bet you had fun in Paradis, didn’t you?” You laughed. 

You heard no response. Thinking he didn’t hear you, you spoke again. 

“You enjoyed your time there, didn’t you, Reiner?”

You looked up to him. His face was frozen, almost like your question unsettled him. Your brain told itself that this was likely a defense mechanism seeing as how Reiner is constantly surrounded by Marleyans who often speak of Eldians in belittling ways. You disregarded the stigma of being an Eldian and tried to assure him that you wouldn’t judge him. 

“It’s okay if you did, they  _ are _ Eldians like us after a-”

You were interrupted by him quickly approaching your bed. As soon as he was in your personal space, he tugged at your arms like he was reprimanding you. His stare scared you less than it puzzled you, but before you could voice your concerns, he spoke. 

“They’re nothing like us” His voice darkened, looking into your eyes “They’re devils. Every single one of them. Don’t you  _ ever _ forget that.”

He emphasized the last sentence by pointing at your chest with his finger. It seems both of you had sobered up by the sudden intensity of this conversation. His grasp was rough, unrelenting, but his eyes told another story. They wanted to be saved, you’d seen him this way before, you could no longer watch him lie to himself. 

“But you don’t believe that, do you?”

He didn’t answer. His grasp loosened as he sat next to you on your bed in defeat, assessing his own feelings. He couldn’t even look at your face anymore. 

“I can tell by your eyes, Reiner…” You sighed.

He turned his back to you as a response, you desperately tried to comfort him again, approaching him from the back.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about what I think, I already know that you’re a good-”

“I’m not good....I never was...”

He sounded so broken it made your heart clench in sorrow. He turned around and finally faced you, his face contorted in anguish.

“All those things I did to them...I killed their people, I betrayed their trust, I made them believe I was their friend....and for what...? For a Motherland that can’t even accept me as their own? This is fucking ridiculous”

You couldn’t even imagine how he feels, so you tried your best to speak to him the way you thought he would feel the most comfortable with. 

“It’s okay to be sad, Reiner. I’m here for you”

And it was then when it hit him. Not once had a person truly, meaningfully checked up on him; not his fellow warriors, not anyone in Paradis. Hell, his own mother was at a loss for words after seeing him return. No one ever validated his feelings of feeling hurt, that, or he had to put on an act to pretend like the years he spent in Paradis weren’t the best years of his life. He had lost what his heart called home, and you could empathize with that. 

He broke down in tears as you opened your arms signaling for an embrace. He accepted it, crying against your chest. His cold tears soaked up your button-up shirt until they reached your skin. You slowly fumbled his hair to comfort him, holding him the best you could to make sure he wouldn’t leave until he was comfortable enough to pull away from you. 


End file.
